Sydney, August 2, 1932
After three weeks of uninterrupted fine weather, with a few days that were almost like summer, today it is as miserable and cold as one could possible imagine. Last night a tremendous storm blew up, with thunder and lightning and hail. Then the rain poured down in buckets. Today it is still raining. I had planned to go and see Bob Westerlund today to see if there any chances of a job, but with this weather it's much more comfortable to stay home, even though there is no heating oven or any other source of warmth. The fire in the fireplace won’t be lit until evening when Mrs Chaffer gets home. The devil take me if I could afford it and had a house like this and, I would sit still for hours in an office without a heater in the room, as Mrs Chaffer does. Sometimes she is quite stiff with cold, even on quite warm days because the house is well built and insulated and it takes a long while before it warms up. Hardly any sunlight gets into the office, and it must be terrible to work there. It's a wonderful house to live in in summer. It's deliciously cool and dark, no flies, no mosquitos, a haven where you can recover from the heat. But the winter is still quite long, and I would certainly have had a heater put in instead of freezing like that.
Yesterday we were half expecting Sverre to turn up. He wanted to come, especially since he had two passengers who would have paid for the trip. However I advised him not to come. Firstly, because he would have had to drive back again on his own, secondly because it's not long since he was here and he'll probably soon be back here to stay, and thirdly because I don't want to give Chaffers the feeling we are using their home as a boarding house. And if he had stayed somewhere else, Chaffers might have been offended. So Sverre did not come. I was hoping, nevertheless, that he would come, and not take my advice, and all day I kept listening to any cars that approached the house, thinking one of them might be ours. I hope it won't be too long before we are together again. I am only half alive without my Svorrie. Instead of himself, two letters arrived from him. He still doesn't know if Barber is going to give him more work to do apart from scrubbing. Snowy Pedersen is coming to Sydney tomorrow, and Sverre is sending some smoked trout with him. I will meet him in the city the day after tomorrow.
I am still very comfortable here and getting used to the way of life. Generally I am finished with my housework, the little daily chores I undertake, by 11 am. Afterwards I can do whatever I want.
We finally had our reading night last Wednesday. I hope we won't have any more. Eva did not come and Mrs Chaffer went to sleep and snored every once in a while. Norman was in and out all the time. Pearl read in a quick and nervous manner from an uninteresting book where they get each other in the end. Doree Ellis and I knitted. I wish I had never made the suggestion. When Mrs Chaffer and I left to go home, Pearl gave me the book so I could finish reading it. People here are so different from the ones I used to know. (Russian word ) Chaffers are this (whatever it is). Arthur and Norman are the best of them. Pearl spoke yesterday of having another reading night, but I want no more. I have had sufficient. She just seems to be incapable of enjoying a good book - hasn't developed the sense for it. What Mama called women’s bedroom books are for her the summit and the crown.
I spent the whole day, Wednesday, with Dot. The poor woman is so concerned with her child. He is so tiny and thin and blue and has something wrong with his nose so that it is hard for him to breathe, but he cannot be operated on yet. He must not be bathed in water, only rubbed with oil and other stuff. He has to be fed every three hours and it takes about an hour every time for him to consume the amount of nourishment he is supposed to. Walter is, in contrast to his brothers, an irresponsible fellow, has spent countless sums of money on gambling and betting, so his father is not giving him any more. Now he just has his wages. They live in a rented house, have no car and are not too well off. Mrs Chaffer gives them quite a bit under the counter, but during the past months, doctor's bills and medicine have eaten up a lot of money. Despite all this, Dot is always cheerful. She's no beauty, little and plump, but you can't help liking her.
Thursday I did nothing. Friday I had another very nice evening at Gilberts. Hindwoods invited me to go to the pictures with them on Saturday and we saw Marie Dressler in ‘Emma ’. Besides a number of other films, they showed one called ‘A Symphony in Steel’ which was wonderful. The steel symphony is our new bridge. With it they showed pictures of Sydney by day and by night.
On Sunday, Norman and Pearl took us (Mrs. Chaffer, Miss Creek and myself) on a little car trip. It was a beautiful warm day. I am never very entertained in baby company and Pearl is terribly nervous and impatient, and not pleasant company at all. I have to make excuses for her because of the condition she's in, but it doesn't make her any the more pleasant.
Yesterday, Monday, I had lunch with Ivy. She now has a maid and is living well. Her father was the-director of the steamship company on one of whose ships I travelled over here. She is just the opposite of Pearl, always calm and pleasant. Nothing seems to be able to bring her out of balance. I like her quite a lot, although she is not very interesting either. TEXT (something in Russian ) No spirit! (Oh Lord, do I then have any? I mean, do I have any??) Perhaps I 'don't, but there are dead people and live ones. Gilberts and Hindwoods are live, and the Chaffers are all, without exception, dead. I feel that I am live, but in this environment I feel that I may soon pass away myself.
It is so cold I must stop writing and jump around a bit. I'll let the gramophone accompany me.
Sydney, August 15. 1932
I'm probably not going to get too much writing done today. It's so cold and the wind is howling outside, and the room won’t be heated until this evening. I had wrapped myself up in a rug in the garden room and settled down in the chaise longue, when in came Mrs Chaffer to tell me something. Then, a moment ago a visitor arrived, some horror in green, whereupon I made a quick getaway to the garage where I am now sitting on a bench in the sun.
Things are going good, better, best. Two weeks ago Snowy Pedersen came to town along with three other men in a car. I met him in the city, for he had brought me a big packet of smoked trout from Sverre to give to our friends.
We deposited the packet in a locker and went off to amuse ourselves. First we saw a movie ‘Old Vienna’ , then we had lunch at a hotel. We saw another movie and had dinner, and finally we went and to an operetta, ‘Bitter Sweet ’ I can’t say that my date was all too interesting as a companion, but he doesn't know anyone in Sydney, and seemed happy to have company, and he tried, in a clumsy way, to be friendly. He is a very shy person and I have become quite practised at getting along with shy people.
August 16
It appears that the lady in green was Mrs Chaffer's sister, Mrs Gilson. They both searched for me all over the place, and found me quite quickly so that put an end to my writing. It was Valerie's birthday on the Saturday after I met Snowy, and Ivy had invited several of her small playmates to morning tea at Farmer's, which is a big store. Ivy's mother (Mrs. Hosgood) and her 10 year old sister were there, also another lady whose name I have forgotten, with a little girl. And I had a sweet little three year old boyfriend called Gordon. We had tea and sandwiches and cakes, and for the children there were lollies and nuts. There were about 100 children there and they all wore colourful paper caps and had balloon and any child whose birthday it was, was crowned by a fairy, given a bunch of flowers and a present. Two negroes did a funny act on a little stage, and there was singing. There was music too, but it was loud jazz that hurt the ears. I thought it was fun to see it all. The Hosgoods have a beautiful big car, and they drove us to Farmer's and home again. Mr Hosgood used to be the director of the Commonwealth Line, but now he doesn't work any more. Mrs. Hosgood is of German descent but she speaks only English. Besides Ivy and her little sister Joan, there are two grown up sons in the family, Reginald and Cyril. They are all very nice, a different type of people from Chaffers. Reg has a sweetheart. Cyril is only eighteen and goes to technical college.
On Sunday I went to Westerlunds to see if Sverre has any chance of getting a job with them. It took two hours by electric train from here. I found Mrs W. in the midst of packing. Bob had got work in Taree and she was following him. She spoke of two tents, camping under the open sky, about water shortage etc. as of something to be taken for granted, without a trace of discontentment in her voice. Meanwhile my heart sank somewhere deep down and a great lump came into my throat, and the whole world seemed suddenly grey and desolate. I left very soon, in particular because I didn't much like Mrs Westerlund. I took a tram back to the city and walked down Pitt Street looking at shop windows and feeling terribly miserable. I crossed the new bridge too, but the wonder of it, and the terrific view just left me cold. Over on the other side I caught another tram which brought me home. I found the house empty so I had a good cry. Around five they came to get me to go to Ivy's where Hosgoods were going to be too. I didn't want to go, my face was all puffed up from crying, but they made me, and they were all so nice to me that I soon felt much better.
I can't remember any more, when I did what, but one day Chaffers asked me to take a parcel to the city. They had forgotten to give it to their messenger. So I went in, and while I was there I went to the Norwegian and German consulates.
Neither of them could give me any work, but the Norwegian Consul, Fay said he would have liked to take me on since the lady they had only spoke English. However he did not want to fire her. One day I spent with Mrs Gilbert and Bryan in the city. We went to the art gallery, which is a nice place, but small and poor compared to Dresden. We had lunch in a garden restaurant and afternoon tea in a cafe and did a bit of shopping together. I bought a pair of brown suede shoes. They are so pretty. I was also very irresponsible and bought two pairs of silk stockings. I am very fond of Gilberts and it was a lovely day for me.
There must have been quite a few such little incidents in these last two weeks, but they are really not too interesting to tell about. Anyway, now I have controlled myself long enough, and having left the best till last, I now come to the main item of news: I have found a job for Sverre.
Although it is not in his profession, it means that the empty black hole that was our future, has changed into a little, bright sun, and it sparkles so, and fills me with joy and happiness and gratitude and hope. One evening I got the idea to visit Taylors. You remember - the people from Burrinjuck. Sverre used to go fishing with him for a while. A bit less than a year ago they came here with empty hands. They advertised that they had a laundry and they both started to wash. They worked day and night, and washed everything by hand, with no machine. They were lucky and got a lot of customers. Now they have a big washing machine, a drier and a roller. They employ one man at the machine and three women for ironing. Mr. Taylor drives around in a big truck and collects and delivers laundry. Now they are going to put a second truck into use and will give Sverre the job. It may only be a couple of days a week to begin with, but that is still a beginning. It's not just that they are giving Sverre the job, they like him a lot, and to me they were both so terribly friendly and kind, so I was felt deeply happy when I left them that evening. Oh, everyone is kind to me here. When I told Mrs Chaffer about our good luck, she said ‘I hope, when you leave this house, and get your own place to live, that you will still always regard this house as your home, where you can come and go as you wish. I can never be the same as your mother, but as much as possible, I'd like to be a substitute’. How can I have deserved that? I feel as though I am floating on a rosy cloud of friendship and love, and I am so happy. I wander around and look at empty houses. If Sverre's work goes well, we would buy a bit of furniture and get our own home. But for the time being, we will make do with a furnished room. Sverre will have to finish off the scrubbing, which he started yesterday, and then, in six weeks, he will come here. I will stay here with Chaffers a little while longer. Mr Taylor told me about one of his customers who would like to let out a room, since her husband is away a lot and she is alone in the house. If I find the room is suitable, I will move in about two weeks’ time. Mr Taylor said he would move my things for me and also do our washing for free, and do whatever they can to help us.
Evelyn has started to talk of coming home. She has now been away for eight months and had a good look at India. I don't envy her, however, because mostly she has been on her own or with other females and that's no fun. Besides there are so many places a woman can't go without ‘male protection’. She will be returning in November. She doesn't want to miss Arthur's wedding, which is to be around Christmas.
This evening Mrs. Chaffer and I are going to Norman's. I am going to develop my photo plates in his dark chamber and they can all talk their baby business meanwhile. Sverre is well. I hope the six weeks pass quickly. He writes me such adoring letters, I am always terribly happy when I get one and today I got two.
Bryan Gilbert has blood poisoning in his right foot. I went there yesterday evening, and found him looking very pale and sick, and suffering a lot of pain, and Mr. and Mrs. Gilbert were quite worried. Today. it seems, he is a little better.
I forgot to mention that the Taylor's have had a baby, a little Arthur. He is six weeks old and very thin and ugly. The world continues to populate itself.
Sydney, August 23, 1932
A parcel arrived addressed to Sverre. I hid it away and will give it to him when he comes here. We will celebrate my birthday a month late. It is no fun to have a birthday when he is not here. Oh, it is so sad to be without my Svorrie. The time just won't pass. Of the six weeks that he still had to work, only a single one has gone. And it has been so long, so long. Now that Sverre is working way out in the bush, I can only expect to get one letter a week, which he mails when he rides over to the farm for provisions. I was expecting a letter this morning, but none came. Perhaps it will come this evening. I only hope it doesn't last longer than six weeks, because I can't wait any longer. Today I will go and visit Taylor's, to hear if they have spoken with Mrs. Bull about the room. If I can get a cheap room, I will move soon, even though I won't be so comfortable there as here. That's because I sometimes feel somewhat wild, and the devil gets into me, if I can't do and act just as I please. I am never able to read, and very seldom able to write. I write to Sverre in the dentist's waiting room or at the post office, because here I get no peace to do it. The days just splash around, and often I do things I don't want to because I don't know how to get out of them. Chaffers remind me of the Forsytes . Sometimes I am terribly bored. Last Sunday. Pearl was here with her children all day, and when she finally finally left at 6 pm, and the washing up was done, Mrs Chaffer said, ‘Now I'm going to visit Aunt Fanny. Will you come too?’ I couldn’t say no and we went to Aunt Fanny's. Mrs Chaffer's sister-in-law, a second ‘Aunt Ann Forsyte’. Living with her is her forty year old, unmarried niece, Ether, a genuine old maid. The four of us sat around a prettily set table and talked, first about all the members of the family, then about the church, the latest movies, at which point Mrs. Chaffer fell asleep, and then we all kissed each other and we went home. And in the tram we talked about Ethel and Aunt Fanny, and then we went to bed. Goodnight.
However, now I will soon be moving and then I won't be seeing the Chaffers all the time and_it will be much better. As long as you don't have them around you all the time they are not bad at all. Only when I am constantly among them, I feel glued to their world like a fly to fly paper. It's as if I were hypnotised.
Last time I wrote, it was icy cold. Today it is too hot in the sun and I am sitting in Evelyn's room which is now mine..It is a real summer day, quite to my taste.
I have to think what I have done all week. Yesterday I went to the dentist and to Hindwoods. Mrs Hindwood has just bought a new piano, so all evening there was music. She used to be a piano teacher before she was married. She accompanies Nell and Mr Hindwood. The latter sings horribly and scratches on a violin, but Nell has a very pleasant voice, and plays the piano quite well too.
Sunday, I already told you about. On Saturday I went to Gilbert's after lunch. I always enjoy going to Gilbert's. Then we went to Norman's for dinner. There were two young people from Queensland there, both members of the ornithologist Union, which Norman, Keith and Sverre also belong to. After dinner Norman was to show his films. He has such beautiful films, which he has made in the bush, with infinite patience and care. There is one of a bird building its nest. Norman first went to the place and sat for hours turning a hand mixer, so that the bird would get used to its noise. Later he took his camera. As soon as we had finished eating, Mrs Chaffer grabbed me by the hand and said ‘come quickly or we'll miss it!’ With no idea what it was we might miss, I put on my hat and coat and went with her. Five minutes later we were in a church where somebody, about whom Mrs. Chaffer had heard some gossip, was getting married. She just had to see it, but she didn't want to be seen, so we sneaked out like a pair of thieves as the bride and groom approached the exit. Such things depress me so. They are beneath my dignity.
When Norman unrolled the film there was an accident. The film caught fire and a great flame rose. Pearl, who is in a state of nervousness nearly went out of her mind with fright. Fortunately, the fire didn’t spread and it was quickly put out. There was just a hole in the big, beautiful carpet, and the roll of film melted. Also a small table got marked. Norman still has the negative so his work was not destroyed.
On one day Arthur, Mrs Chaffer and I went with an agent to look at houses. Arthur wants to buy a house. Quite a la Forsyte. We looked at several. It was quite interesting. The price was around 1500 pounds for about five rooms, kitchen, bathroom, laundry, two verandas, garage, garden and yard.
On Friday, Mrs Chaffer and I were invited to the Coombs to lunch. Those are very nice people. I liked the children specially. Their home is not tip top like Chaffers', but much cosier, and the people themselves were more my type.
That more or less accounts for the week. The program is set for the next few days too. Tomorrow, a car trip, and in the evening a movie. The day after tomorrow Dot and Walter, Syd and Ivy, and a certain Jessie Duruz are coming to dinner. Jessie is a nurse, about twenty years old, and Dot's cousin.
Sydney, August 31, 1932
Four more parcels have arrived. They are lying in a drawer, unopened, and smiling at me whenever I see them. Sverre is coming here now, after all, so I won't have so long to wait. However, we probably won’t be doing too much celebrating, since I don't even know where we will be on the 9th.
I have been feeling a bit nervous the last few days. Mrs Chaffers maid, who has been sick the last couple of months, is well again and will be coming back on Monday, and the girl who has been coming in the afternoon, as well as the cleaning woman are being laid off. So I have decided to leave on Monday too. I have been looking around for a room. For one furnished room with use of kitchen, bathroom and laundry you pay on an average ten shillings a week. An unfurnished house about one pound, also per week. A Mrs Horsley, who lives in a beautiful house neat to Pearl, owns a house in Roseville, about twenty minutes from her, five minutes from Pearl and five minutes from Ivy. She is willing to let it for ten shillings a week. She will put in the most necessary furniture. The house is being redecorated at the moment and will not be ready for two or three weeks, but meanwhile Mrs Horsley will let us have a room in her own house, and I will move in on Saturday. Mrs Horsley is old, and she has her old sister and brother living with her in the house. I wouldn't want to live too live too long in a house with only old people, but it is only for a short while, and what a chance for us to get a house for only ten shillings a week, and in a fine suburb as well.
Sverre wrote suddenly and unexpectedly, that he was giving up the scrubbing because the scrub is so thick that he can't even pay for the food with the money he earns. So it won't pay for him to continue. I am very happy, knowing we will be together again, and that I have found a place for us to live. I have still not finally accepted the offer because Mrs Creek has a house five minutes from Chaffer's which she would let us have for ten shillings a week, if she doesn't have it torn down in order to build a modern home on the property. She was going to decide today and tell me this evening. I fell in love with that house even before I knew who owned it. It is a very small and very pretty wooden house with beautiful trees in the yard. We would of course have to buy furniture ourselves. Anyway, we do have something for sure, and this evening I will know which it is to be. I have not seen the house in Roseville, but at that price I will take it without looking. I know there is a garden and fruit trees.
The reason I feel nervous is that I am leaving here. If I have complained about Chaffer's, I take it all repentantly back. It was my own black moods that made me pass such hard judgment. I have had a wonderful stay here. I have been lazy and spoiled in every way. I haven't been used to living with a family, and I would get irritated every now and then, if I wanted to sit down and write or something, and somebody wanted me for something else. It's all my own fault. Another reason why I am nervous is that Sverre sometimes does silly things if I don't watch out (what an opinion I have of myself!) and I have an idea that he is going to spend fifteen to twenty pounds getting Taylors truck -which he is to drive up here - repaired in Bowning, although Taylor has not asked him directly to do that. He does things like that. This thought gave me a sleepless night, and today I feel lousy. Also, we don't yet know how much Sverre will be earning.
There are several other little things worrying me and making me silly in the head, but no doubt everything will work out.
This week I went on a very nice car trip to Parramatta with detours. Syd and Mr Chaffer were going there for a funeral and Ivy and I went with them. While they were at the funeral, we spent a couple of hours in Parramatta Park, which, once upon a time, I used to look out on from my hospital bed.
One evening, Mrs Gilbert and Bryan picked me up and took me with them to Mrs Gilbert's sister. She lives, with her two daughters in a lovely house in Roseville. It was nice there, but somehow made little impression on me. I have nothing to tell.
Mrs Taylor has been ordered by her doctor to take hot compresses. There is no one who has time to help her. Since I had such success with Mrs Chaffer's knee (with massage the swelling disappeared completely) I decided to offer to help Mrs Taylor. I have been there two hours every day.
NEXT: September 1932